The old phrase, "It’s not what you said, but how you said it," probably accounts for a majority of verbal/nonverbal communication challenges. Here are some catalyst phrases to improve the communication event. Good luck.

• "Would you be interested in discussing how...?"
• "May I share a few thoughts (feelings) with you about...?"
• "How do you feel about...?"
• "Would you be interested in the way I feel about..?"
• "Do you have any questions (concerns) about...?"
• "Are you aware that...?"
• "Would you like some input (feedback) about...?
• "Is this a good time to ask you about...?"
• "Do you have a few minutes to discuss...?"
• "Would you like me to elaborate on...?"
• "Does this information seem...?"
• "Am I making sense about...?"
• "Has anyone else expressed similar thoughts about...?"
• "Do you have any idea why...?"
• "Have you considered...?"
• "Do you think it might help if...?"
• "Would you prefer that I (or that I not)...?"
• "Is it possible that...?"
• "Have I said something that may have caused you to...?"
• "Am I sensing that you feel...?"
• "Would you like to think about what we’ve been discussing?"

• "Would you share your observations (feelings) with me about...?"
• "May I get your ideas on...?"
• "Would you mind letting me know how...?"
• "Are you saying that...?"
• "Do I understand that the point is...?"
• "Could you help me understand...?"
• "Is there anything else that...?"
• "Do you think it would help if...?"
• "Do you have any particular suggestions regarding...?"
• "Is it likely that...?"
• "Do you think this may be because I...?"
• "How do you feel about...?"
• "How do you think you (he/she/they) feel about...?"
• "Would I sound defensive if I said (asked)...?"

Listed below are a variety of events that are reinforcing to most people. They can be used in the work environment as positive consequences for behaviors that you may wish to strengthen. Most non-tangible reinforcers do not require cash awards, cards and two-week vacations in Hawaii. They appeal to those intrinsic motivations that drive the employee for job recognition.

1. A letter of recommendation or thanks from the person’s immediate supervisor to his/her boss.
2. Ask a person for advice or opinions on a policy or how a task should be done.
3. Verbal praise.
4. A handshake, smile, nod; offering help.
5. Visit the person at his or her work station and engage in a friendly conversation. Break the barriers of your office. Create the perception of "realness" by walking around.
6. Allow employees to engage in creative activities.
7. Letting the person report his or her results to significant others. Allow them to bypass the chain of command and feel like an active member of the team.
8. Give the person increased responsibility.
9. Allow the person to make decisions affecting his or her work, organization, strategies and plans.
10. Give the person special choice of an assignment; be informed of output and goal achievement.
11. Opportunity to attend special meetings and seminars.
12. Status symbols such as titles, special furniture, parking spots, honors, certificates, better work environment.
13. Special introductions to guests and other VIPs.
14. Personal time off. Recognize extra effort by your people; they shouldn’t have to ask. You should be sensitive to their contributions and volunteer this. Sensitivity will go a long way in task achievement.
15. Recognition in front of peers.
16. Invitations to high level meetings.
17. Social attention; i.e., "Let’s go grab a cup of coffee."
18. Pass along compliments from customers or significant others.
19. Send birthday or anniversary cards.
20. Ask about the person’s family and personal endeavors.
21. Listen to the employee; display empathy and a human approach. Be willing to let your guard down.
22. Provide relief from adverse duties; job redesign; rapid follow-through on job-related problems; act upon ideas and recommendations; give more authority to decide; request input more frequently; "shoot the breeze" now and then.
23. Exempt the person from time clock requirements; allow flex-time if legally okay.
24. Instill trust; take the person into your confidence.
25. Above all, be nice, fair and consistently human in your day-to-day actions. Life is too short. The work place will consume 40% of your working hours. You spend more time there than with your own family. Make the environment fun, productive and a genuinely good place to work.